Stubbed Toes

I. Stubbed. My. Toes!
I  have always been on the clumsy side. But it's harder to control when you are heavier.

Yes. Toes. Plural.

Not just one...like a normal person.  But 3.
Nope. I had to make it happen on an epic scale.

The three toes from the market... to all the way home.
On my left foot.
And Christ on a cracker...that shit hurt so freakin 'bad. I still shudder at the thought as a write this blog, days later.

Now right about now, you are probably saying to yourself. I can't believe that I am reading about some clumsy chunky chick that stubbed her damn toe. People will just put anything in a blog.
Parts of that may be true.  Actually all of it may be true, but bear with me for a few minutes. I promise I am going somewhere with this.

Let's go back about 2 weeks.

I recently read and reviewed a book called Fractured. Some of you may have seen the review. The book, while not a raging blockbuster was a pretty decent first endeavor. The premise for a really good read was there but as sometimes happens, it was squarely not in the 5 star category... yet. But it was a promising start to the series.

One of the things that kind of irked me about the main character was the fact that he genuinely seemed to be having a hard time controlling his beast. Like every other interaction bad. I guess I like my alpha male characters to be smooth and in control most of the time. Except in the bedroom and fighting for my honor and... you know what I  mean!  To be fair, in the characters defense, he was in some sort of angry situation or emotional volatility  ... a lot.

One of the times he lost control of his hold on his beast was after a night of drinking, suffering from a massive hang over ... he stubbed his toe.
He.  Stubbed.   His.  Toe
I don't quite remember on what ...I guess on like a coffee table or something. He stubbed his toe and his beast raged out and basically had a fit for a few minutes, then he was better, his hang over was gone and the story continued. (sorry for the slight spoiler)

Now....
When I read that part of the story, I  kinda snickered and was like really, you stubbed your damn toe and the beast was let loose. Amateur!  I have read stories where the paranormal was captured, injured gravely  and tortured and they had complete control and this dude....stubs his toe and all hell breaks loose. C'mon!

But then ...
I was coming out of the water closet portion of my bathroom. Trying to avoid stepping on my cat, who likes to play under the door, thus the reason for him laying directly in my exit path and not moving. And in catastrophic, clumsy fashion, I  manage to stub three of my toes at once on the door jam.

I am going to try to explain the horrific pain I experienced.

You ever been hurt or better yet, seen a little kid open their mouth to scream, and at first nothing comes out the pain is so bad.
Mostly because your brain needs time to aptly register just what the fuggnuts just happened.
You have just basically inhaled a bunch of air, essentially stealing your vocals. As the pain shoots from your point of injury, races through your spine in a weird, not so good, tingliness and courses through your chest and pulses up your throat  to explode out of your mouth in a fruit by the yard length of expletives that you were even surprised by.

Tears crowd the corner of your eyes temporarily blurring your sight and even your hands bunch up in weird crampy configurations but there is nothing but air to grab onto and if you are fat like me currently,
(staying positive...I  said currently),
reaching down to try to grab my toes is not a task that I would be successful at while only using one foot to balance on. I would then be haphazardly off balance and ripe for further injury.  Even my teeth experienced a brief jolt of pain. I broke out in a fine sheen of sweat and everything. My head alternated from looking up at the ceiling and down towards my assaulted toes. The throbbing across my foot continued for a good 5 minutes or so until I  was finally able to catch my breath and hobble over to a chair in my bedroom.

Yes. That pretty much sums it up.

Then to add insult to injury the hubs yells from his office to see if I am ok.

Really?! Gone are the honeymoon years where if you sigh too loudly they are by your side in a flash. Queue eye rolling. 

Far be it from me to lie, so I answered in a miserable and pain laden "NO!"

In his defense there would have been nothing he could do, it's not like he could have touched it or any part of me for that matter.

It's also nowhere near the scare I gave him crashing and falling out of the shower that one time....A story for another time my lovelies.

However...  on, second thought, he could have fixed me a bowl of ice cream. Ice cream makes everything better.
But I digress.

As I hobbled over to the chair I actually started laugh - crying.
Son of a biscuit!
I could not believe, that I  had stubbed my toe(s) so badly but I  guess I  had to be taught a lesson and made to believe that something as seemingly mundane as a character stubbing one's toe could unleash a beast.  And if I am being honest, I can almost guarantee that a similar incident had to have happened to the author, to have been written into the story.

So, all in all,  I  gained a newfound respect for the character in the book who lost control of his beast after stubbing his toe. While suffering from a hangover no less.  I apologize for harshly judging your character's actions, mostly in my mind, a little in the review. Check out my review of Fractured

Life, at least my little life,  has a way of opening my eyes to bigger possibilities in weird and funky ways.  Hilariously, this time it came through pain and suffering obviously .

Blogging my life.
Thank you for reading!